he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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