After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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