we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
