You can't special order awesome
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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