is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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