if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
