she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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