I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
