don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize