we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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