Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was confusing and full of hummus
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
