He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
