We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.