I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
bring money and cleavage
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.