god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear