Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now