Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My ATM looks so different sober.
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This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...