saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.