:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
and you fell through a lawn chair