I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
