Porn is love you can see.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
