I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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