At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
