hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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