do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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