Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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