Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
