Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?

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  (312): Is it possible to jerk off a nipple? http://tfl.nu/fsvj
  Replies (9) Good night (872) Bad night (2728)
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  (415): View more from California

  Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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  (415): Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer. http://tfl.nu/s996
  Replies (22) Good night (4576) Bad night (609)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so

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  (845): I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so http://tfl.nu/bpeg
  Replies (29) Good night (641) Bad night (1994)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

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  (780): Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top? http://tfl.nu/gcls
  Replies (47) Good night (1400) Bad night (6890)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes

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  (519): he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes http://tfl.nu/rvmv
  Replies (13) Good night (1055) Bad night (4002)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.

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  (603): this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with. http://tfl.nu/tzze
  Replies (36) Good night (13680) Bad night (981)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks

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  (416): thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks http://tfl.nu/k1ka
  Replies (4) Good night (1108) Bad night (2034)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation

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  (541): I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation http://tfl.nu/pywb
  Replies (7) Good night (2093) Bad night (808)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie. 

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  (502): So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.  http://tfl.nu/6cm8
  Replies (7) Good night (1721) Bad night (642)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch

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  (336): You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch http://tfl.nu/vf66
  Replies (3) Good night (2408) Bad night (648)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.

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  (312): He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work. http://tfl.nu/lc9m
  Replies (12) Good night (951) Bad night (593)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.

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  (570): A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5. http://tfl.nu/uyai
  Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (301)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.

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  (585): I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in. http://tfl.nu/1xha
  Replies (4) Good night (491) Bad night (490)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering

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  (207): Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering http://tfl.nu/ixi4
  Replies (1) Good night (701) Bad night (309)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.

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  (423): My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more. http://tfl.nu/baeq
  Replies (2) Good night (435) Bad night (275)

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