i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*