You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water