Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together

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  (713): Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together http://tfl.nu/ix8i
  Replies (15) Good night (1602) Bad night (2560)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.

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  (716): You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked. http://tfl.nu/6dqf
  Replies (28) Good night (1345) Bad night (4875)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I forgot how hot balto sounded

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  (937): I forgot how hot balto sounded http://tfl.nu/4hja
  Replies (18) Good night (3608) Bad night (925)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.

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  (972): It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians. http://tfl.nu/8vkd
  Replies (18) Good night (4732) Bad night (1558)
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  (607): View more from New York

  no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.

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  (607): no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not. http://tfl.nu/m099
  Replies (4) Good night (3557) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.

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  (618): Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it. http://tfl.nu/ym59
  Replies (6) Good night (2378) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.

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  (850): HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM. http://tfl.nu/agqo
  Replies (13) Good night (636) Bad night (2236)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues

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  (310): I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues http://tfl.nu/j2av
  Replies (4) Good night (1103) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.

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  (719): New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget. http://tfl.nu/qqak
  Replies (9) Good night (435) Bad night (1543)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.

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  (803): Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now. http://tfl.nu/z1h4
  Replies (2) Good night (721) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."

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  (330): At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS." http://tfl.nu/bswl
  Replies (1) Good night (987) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.

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  (612): Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up. http://tfl.nu/k33q
  Replies (3) Good night (1672) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.

  (254): View more from Texas

  It's 2 pm....

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  (940): I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas. (254): It's 2 pm.... http://tfl.nu/onth
  Replies (3) Good night (1779) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink

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  (586): I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink http://tfl.nu/rj3c
  Replies (3) Good night (285) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it

  (408): View more from California

  its winning. its definitely happening

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  (408): this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it (408): its winning. its definitely happening http://tfl.nu/yixq
  Replies (1) Good night (451) Bad night (244)

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