Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
