Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
