I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
