you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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