just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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