I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
