Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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