Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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