After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
