I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
