ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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