curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
