How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am naked and annoyed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
