Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
