While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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