YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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