I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
