I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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