I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
