:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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