420 ftw
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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