a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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