Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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