just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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