So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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