Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
