it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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