I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
