If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I want her autograph on my taint
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
