I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
