Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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