How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
