I need help removing her.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
