Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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