Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
