Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
