I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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