I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
