what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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