i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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