he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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