Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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