he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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