I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
