everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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