awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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