So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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